youre lurking in front of me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
