just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
