Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i think my cat just said my name.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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