Yo dont text me then not text me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
