i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
