This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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