Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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