so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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