you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
