pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
