Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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