Someone shit on the floor
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
