Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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