We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
