best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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