i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
