i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
