we have officially lost it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
