PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
