So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
