So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
