I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
