She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
