i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
