I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
