it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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