making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
