What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
