Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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