i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you win again, gameday.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
