I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize