captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
