The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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