In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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