I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
