I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
