My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
