i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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