I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize