It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
