You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i barfeds in our rink
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
