Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
