Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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