Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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