this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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