idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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