my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
