$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
