my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
