the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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