Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
