between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
