Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
