Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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