This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
