Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
