peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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