im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
