the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
