My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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