Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
