I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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