he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
