I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
