he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
