Screwed.edu
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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