The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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