You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
