do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
