we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Success! We fucked roommates!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
