Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
