Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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