last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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