do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
