Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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