and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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