I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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