watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
