I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
