forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize