So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
