it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
