you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
