I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
