I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
