the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
