if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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