I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
