So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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