i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How does one acquire holy water?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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