matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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