Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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