I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
