Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
