so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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