on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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