you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
