gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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