Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
