I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
