OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
