I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
