I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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